I separated from my partner almost a year ago. My kids are still very young (2 and 4 years). I separated due to an unhealthy dynamic between my ex and I that counsellors have described as my partner being emotionally and psychologically abusive.
My ex wants to try and get back together, mostly for the kids. I don't want to get back together but I am very sad and worried about the impact of them having separated parents and 2 houses. I know living in a toxic house was probably worse for them but I still have a lot of grief that this was not the version of parenting/family I imagined.
My ex hasn't wanted to have the kids overnight yet and because of their age and our situation I haven't pushed it. He mostly wants to catch up with all of us present rather than taking the kids by himself. I feel totally strung out. I don't have a lot of other support and work part-time so I feel like I'm juggling lots of balls, and often not very well. I feel pretty stressed and way more reactive/less patient with my kids. Which I worry about the impact of for them too.
So my question, after a very long explanation, is whether I should consider a dual living arrangement with my ex - same house but him living in a self contained part (like underneath the house). This way the kids can come and go between us in one house which would hopefully be better for them, plus I may get more of a break... he has another child from a previous relationship and this option means the kids all get to see each other too. However my caution in this option is the unhealthy dynamic in our relationship. Would really appreciate other people's insights.